Funny Birthday Wishes
- Happy birthday! I wouldn't say you're getting old. Well, I wouldn't say it to your face.
- Happy birthday! I wouldn't say you're getting older. You're just getting old.
- Happy birthday! I wouldn't call you old. I would call you elderly, decrepit, feeble, infirm, on your last legs (but not "old").
- Do you hear that whooshing sound? That's the sound of your youth going down the drain. Happy birthday.
- Do you hear that cracking sound? That's the sound of your arteries starting to harden. Happy birthday.
- You don't look a day older than you did yesterday. You look much older than that. Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday! I was planning to write you a special poem for your birthday, but I couldn't find any words that rhyme with decrepitude, disrepair or decay.
- Happy birthday! The best life advice I ever heard when I turned your age was that “you need to appreciate the little things in life.” Of course, you first need to see them, which only gets harder and harder at our age.
- Happy birthday! Don’t let your age get you down. Pretty soon, gravity will do the job for you.
- Happy birthday! You are not old. You are old enough to do what you want and pretend you don't remember doing it.
- Happy birthday! You've been granted another chance to show that getting older does not necessarily mean getting wiser (just tired and achy).
- Happy birthday. You’re at an age when you find out you won't be getting any wiser!
- Happy birthday. May all your birthday wishes come true — except the ones that make you richer, healthier and happier than me!
- Happy birthday. Thank you for being the oldest person in the room.
- Happy birthday. Even if you calculated your age in dog years, you would still be, well, old.
- Happy birthday! As your younger [sister, brother], it’s my duty on your birthday to remind you that you’re still older than me.
- Happy birthday! When I turn your age, I will still be younger than you!
- Happy birthday! Today is the first day of the rest of your decrepitude (I mean, life).
- Happy birthday! Today is the first day of the rest of your tired and achy life.
- Happy birthday! Today is the first day of the rest of your Jurassic period.
- Wish you were a kid again? Wish you had no money, no credit, no car, no privacy and no freedom? I thought so. Have a happy birthday instead!
- Happy birthday! Wish you looked younger today? Go stand beside [Grandpa, Grandma].
- Happy birthday! Wish you looked younger today? Here are directions to the nearest retirement home.
- Happy birthday! You're not old yet. You'll know you're old when your birthday candles cost more than your birthday cake.
- Happy birthday! You're not old yet. You'll know when you're old. It's once your kids have the local fire department on speed dial when you blow out your birthday candles.
- Happy birthday! Now's the perfect time to start treating your kids to life's luxuries — since, in a few years, they’ll be treating you to a nursing home.
- Happy birthday! You're old enough to fall in love, walk down the aisle and make us grandparents — in that order, of course.
- Happy birthday! Your better half just told me that you’re certainly getting better with age. Did you start to do chores around the house?
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